Letters to Jeff

Soo, one late cold stormy winters eve, two girls were very bored. VERY bored. Here is the result of this combination. (minus about 20 bazillion episodes of Veronica Mars)

Did we mention it was really, really, really late?

Anyways, after finishing too much of the second season of Veronica Mars our two heros find themselves at a loss for something to do. Nevermind the fact that sleep is generally acceptable at 3 in the morning. They decided they pull a prank. After sifting through their options they settle on their dear friend Jeffery Barnes as the target. He was to be the center of a real life soap opera. They began to write.

And this is what happened. They sent these emails over the course of several weeks, building tension as each new message arrived in the poor unsuspecting boy's inbox. They also had a special friend aid in the emailingness of threats. (Just so you know, the pen names were Sweetie Pie and Buff Man. Fitting, we thought.) The emails from Sweetie Pie are in pink and the ones from Buff are green.

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Dearest Jeff,

I know you have a girlfriend already, but I simply cannot keep my feelings locked so deeply within me any longer. I have known you for sometime now, and I can’t get over how wonderful you are. You have an amazing smile, and your laugh makes the sun shine brighter. Just seeing you makes my heart flutter and my knees go weak. It is hard for me to talk to you, because I get so nervous just looking into your deep blue eyes. I have never experienced feelings like this for anyone before.

When I first laid eyes on you I knew my life would never be the same. You walked into the room, laughing and talking with your friends. It was love at first sight. I was drawn to you, first by your handsome appearance, then by your sweet smile that never disappears. Your personality is like a spring day; the rain showers always disappear so quickly and the sun shines like your smile. Birds sing, and I see no one else but you.

When you started dating your girlfriend, my heart was crushed into a thousand little pieces. I can tell that you truly love her, and there is no hope for me. Seeing the way you treat her makes my heart green with jealousy. I wish that someone would treat me as well as you treat her. She is a very, very lucky girl. Please do not worry about my feelings, I just had to express myself, like purging a wound, hoping to get you out of my system.

I love you, most ardently,
Your Admirer

*****

jeff - u better stay away from my girl i know she emaled you and i am watching. be karful keep away or else

*****

u might be buff, but you'd be no match for me if you do anything to jeff. besdies, if "your girl" took the time to email another guy b/c she likes him better than you... thats your problem. watch your step, or i'll be watching it for you.

(this was from Cate, Jeff's girlfriend, to Buff, who wishes to keep his identity secret.)

*****

Dearest Jeffery,

I fear you have received a threatening email from one of my friends. Do not fear. We are no longer connected. When I learned of his threat to you I knew I could not be with someone so violent, and so I dumped him. I do not know if I can survive with out either him or you in my life, but I suppose I will just have to move on. I will be lonely for awhile but life goes on. Someday I will meet someone as wonderfully kind and handsome and sweet as you are, and be happy once more.

Love Always

*****

jeff - she dumped me and i know it’s ur falt. what have u done to her. i warned u if any thing hapins between u and my girl i will kick ur butt

*****

My Dear Jeff,

His threats are in vain! He is nothing but a coward, and I know you could easily defeat him. He is weak, while you are strong! I know this but I have not been able to sleep; worry has kept me awake at night fearing he may somehow hurt you. Please be careful. I will be praying for you. I’m sorry that I ever started this. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I will be leaving you alone now, and telling my ex to do the same.

Love Always and Forever

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The following includes blogs that good ol' Jeff posted in response to our prank, complete with commentary, and emails that were exchanged between Jeff and the two of us:

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Wow...
So, I have been given a lot of garbage for the plain fact that I haven't been posting anything on my blog...but it is totally true.But it is a new year, and I think that everything will be ok. As you all have probably noticed, my blog has undergone some major changes, so I hope you like it, Cuz i was getting bored with the previous template...A lot has been going on in my life, but the thing that I wanted to talk about was these anonymous emails that I have been recieving. First of all, if you know who, or are the person sending them please tell me who you are. I don't like getting anything anonymously. In my opinion, ... well i just don't like it. The person in question, or rather the persons...well...let me just start from the beginning.I recieved this email about 2 weeks ago, telling me that even though i have a girlfriend (who is amazing beyond a shadow of a doubt) that they still adore me and then went into all of this mushy gushy stuff concerning my physical appearence. I was appaled to say the least, but not grumpy, just confused. So i talked to cate about it, and everything was fine and dandy, until my "secret ...(i don't even know what to call them) someone" 's boyfriend emails me with the pen name of 'buff man'. Telling me that he knows that his girlfriend emailed me that and that I need to stay away from his girl. And that if i didn't that he would beat me up.So, umm, after being mildly shocked (cuz this isn't a normal happening) I again talked to my girlfriend about it. We were both totally confused at who these people could be. (we still don't know) But then i think it was yesterday i got an email from 'sweetie' telling me that she broke up with her boyfriend because of the threats he made to me. And almost instantly after that email, another one was sent by 'buff man' yet again telling me that it was my fault, and that if he ever saw me, he would kick my butt.Well, I .... well i don't really know what else to say, cuz it is all pretty weird, and I don't know why this person just randomly sent me the email. Or both persons for that matter. Some of you might be thinking that I could just see who the email is from, but they are foreign emails that i have never heard of, trust me, I checked.So, I what i am looking for is information, the legit kind, about these mysterious emails...I won't be mad at who sent them, maybe 'buff man' cuz he said he'd kick my butt, but i really want to know, and so does my girlfriend. And for whoever 'sweetie pie' is, I love Cate, and nothing can change that, but that doesn't mean i can't still love you as a friend. I have an infinite amount of love for all of my friends, but only Cate gets that special part of my heart.^ tales of a confused nerd ^
Posted by Jeff Barnes at 3:10 PM
3 comments:
Beautifully Modest Chick said...
My mom and I started lauphing, probably because it is not personally happening to me...but do you even know who knows your e-mail address and go through and basically patronize everyone till they confess. Oh, but that seems to crazy to have the guy and girl both e-mailing you...Don't acuse me because I am writing this...But I remeber in High School when some "Secret" notes were given to you by your...lol...Other Half...and something else...but maybe both of the e-mails are coming from the same person. It was the first thing that popped into my head...Good luck with your search for who it is...!!!
January 8, 2008 4:57 PM
Cos^2 @ said...
well... at least other ppl see how amazing you are!!! and dont worry... if buff man ever does anything... " I KILL HIM!!!!" ~achmed (revised). lol LOVE YOU i miss you soooooo much. <3 color="#000099">
CC said...
i hope you won't be mad at whoever it was! I'm sure they are some very nice, sweet, adorable, wonderfully amazing people who were just really tired. and in their delirious sleepy state, they happened to think of you.
January 13, 2008 6:03 PM

*****

Email to Kadie, sent from Sweetie Pie, written by Jeff
tell "sweetie pie" that her new password is "introuble" heh heh hopefully she wont be too mad that i hacked her..... anyways!!! happy new year!

Our reply...
Dearest Jeffrey,
Although we do love you, it is not quite what we led you to believe. We were bored out of our minds... very late at night... very VERY late at night, and decided to spice up your life. please forgive us. and buff too, he is very sorry. he won't beat you up. specially since he's in Provo.
SO excited to see you and meet Cate,
love,
the pranksters
(aka: Kadie & Cassie)

His reply...
So, who is this 'buff' individual if he isn't you two, details i need details, small amounts of information for a brain such as mine.
Too boring!
But I need details, and so does Rachel. ;) ttyl, and no harm done, but be warned, there is a storm coming your way...just you wait, I know where you sleep....(not really), but really.
-Jeff a.k.a. Gwarff a.a.k.a. eddy

our reply...
well... if you CAME TO SEE US you might find out.basically he is Kadie's boyfriend. jk. only in her imagination! he is super cute though. and really is buff. the name fits. SEE YOU SOON!!!!!cassie (you dork) and kadie lol
(note: Jeff had asked Cassie if she was one of the prankster people)

*****

Thursday, January 17, 2008
I figured it out...kind of...
So, as you all know, I have been the center for an amazing hoax. Or rather a practical joke that was meant to be funny, but slightly confusing. I must say that at first it was really confusing (even for a nerd like me ;), but after I found out who the culprits were, or rather when they told me who they were, I thought that it was pretty funny. I will let them retain their anonymousness for fear that they would beat me, or that they would send mr. "buff" to come and get me. But seeing that they are in Utah, I don't see that happening any time soon. I would just like to say publicly so that they know a storm is coming their way.In other words, revenge is being aimed in their general direction. heh~writings of a genius (or rather someone really close to insanity)~
Posted by Jeff Barnes at 4:59 PM

January 17, 2008 8:21 PM
Kadie said...
hmm... good luck getting revenge. And nice job not giving away identities...Buff says that he will beat you up if you include him in this. we forced him. I guess... Cause we are big and scary.And for those of you who would like to know for sure, it was Cassie and I. You can find the whole thing on our blog... sometime soonish. have a great day Jeff!!!
luv,me!!!

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And that is all we have to say currently...

farewell our fine feathered friends.
**the most not-love-struck individuals you will ever meet**
(just in case you had doubts)

Ta-Dah!

This is going to be a joint blog of... well, our amazingness really. All the tricks and jokes and randomness we find ourselves in. Basically.
We have a lot of items to catch up, so this may take a while. We aren't going to start now, as we both have class soon. BUT - be on the lookout for some intense stuff coming your way.

Love,
Kadie and Cassie!